Happy?

Recently, a friend asked me, almost out of nowhere... "How old are you again?" Then after I told him, he asks, "Are you happy with your life?" That question kinda took me by surprise. So I thought about it. I don't know what my exact answer was, but I said something to the effect that yes, I was happy with my life.

But then it left me thinking about it. Am I truly happy? Some days I do feel kinda happy. I'm alive, healthy (for the most part lol), have a loving family and friends, and a relatively calm life. But then I start to think about other things. About a love lost, about a part of my life that meant so much to me and filled me with so much joy and now all seems like a distant memory, like a dream almost. Too good to be true. I'm in a state of limbo now. Trying to find my way back down and see where I land.

So truth is, I'm not really completely happy with my life. At times I just feel so lost and alone still. I know I'm NOT alone, but I just feel that way sometimes. Fortunately I do have more good days than bad now. I guess the worst of the worst feelings have passed. But it doesn't mean I don't still feel down at times. And those are the days when I just don't know how I feel about my life.

I was so happy once. And it wasn't even that long ago! Just a few months ago. I felt that things were finally coming into place. Life was somehow rewarding me for being so patient and a good person. I had a lovely home, was in love, my family's problems were finally being settled, my job was stable and keeping me busy...things were going pretty good. And then just like that, things changed...again.

All I ever wanted in life was to be happy. I don't chase after dreams of fame, fortune, luxuries, diamonds, etc. That all means nothing to me. I just want to be happy, so why does it feel like the hardest thing in the world?