Moments

There are some moments when I find myself missing him so much, it almost seems unbearable. I miss him every day, but for whatever reason (random picture, memory, song, etc.) certain moments trigger feelings and I end up missing him so much.

Right now... This is one of those moments. :(

The First Month After

Last time I slept in our apt, our room, and our bed was about a month ago. Thanksgiving night. A pretty sad Thanksgiving, at that. Now it's a month later and it's Christmas Day. But truth is, it feels just like any other day. And I kinda hate that! I've always loved the holidays, but this year that joy and spirit just isn't in me. I've been thinking back to when I was younger and how excited I'd feel for Christmas. So curious to see what was beneath that Xmas wrapping paper. As I grew up a little I got more into the spirit of giving and loved seeing my little sister's excitement as she opened up her gifts. Then, as an adult, I still enjoyed making Xmas cards, giving my family and loved one gifts and playing that Xmas music...but I also became more appreciative about knowing it was all about being with those you love.

So in a way, it's been nice that I've been here with family. I'm with people I love and don't have to be truly alone on Xmas. But still, someone special to me is missing here today. I'd always give him some of our family's tamales and we'd open our gifts together and just had a nice time. I remember a Christmas when both our families were out of town, but we still had a lovely time because we had each other. I baked us a delicious carrot cake and we went to a friend's house for dinner. Then there was the year we were up in Canada during the holidays and rang in the new year up there. It was a special way to spend the holidays in a winter wonderland. So whether away or at home, the last several years worth of the holiday season always were so extra special with someone I loved. Now I just feel lonely. I'd made some progress lately in trying to be strong, but didn't realize how the holidays were gonna get me down again. I just want it all to be over.

Despite my trying to get myself back to normal, trying to be myself again...I can't lie and pretend I dont still miss him. I do, I miss him a lot every day. I hate it so much that all this had to happen. I was so truly happy, and now...well, I don't know. I've been feeling like a different person lately. So careless, so cynical. That dreamer and hopeless romantic in me is fading at times. I'm trying not to lose that.

Can't even believe it's only been a month. Feels like way longer.

One *cough* Week

It's been one week as of today. One week since we moved from our apartment and each went our way. One week since i last saw him. One week since I last felt I still had a true 'home'.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love my family and appreciate them letting me crash here. Plus, it has actually been nice spending time here. Has helped keep me distracted from things. Though truth be told, nothing can truly distract me completely from what I'm going through. It's always on my mind no matter what I do. But being surrounded by family and love helps heal the pain. Still, I'm trying to figure out what my next step is. Crashing on the couch and living out my stuff in boxes is fine for a while, but I can't keep this up for too long. Either I find a nice affordable place of my own, or a roomie. But still, it's tough. Everything is just hard emotionally on me right now. Fortunately I've managed to function ok for the most part, but I still have moments when I feel sad, lonely and miss so many things. Most of all, miss Him.

But at least for now, the first week is over. It was tough. Especially the one morning I was *this close* to having a crying breakdown at work. Fortunately, I kept it in. If I was gonna have a breakdown, I didn't want it to be at work. It's been a tough week overall...emotionally and physically. Work's been hectic and then there's the longer commute now that's been taking a toll on my car, wallet and sanity!

As if all this wasn't enough, now I'm sick too! :( Felt an itchy throat last night, then today been having a sore throat all day and now a runny nose and sneezing, too. It sucks! Just can't get a break this week, I guess.

I just keep hoping for better days ahead...

Saying Goodbye to Home

As I type I'm sitting on the floor of my apt. I guess technically it is still my apartment. It's empty and nobody has slept here for four nights now, but I still hold the keys. This is probably my last time here...ever. Thought I'd say goodbye the best way I know how, by writing.

I'm sitting on the exact spot Juan and I sat on this carpet just over a year ago, in October of 2009, as we waited for some furniture to be delivered. It's was only over a year ago but feels like a lifetime's worth of happy memories. I look around at these bare walls and floors and I still see and almost hear all those memories they'll forever hold, no matter who may come and go. We may not have owned this place, but our love, friendship and moments together here made it a home.

When I got here today and walked inside, I immediately felt a sense of joy. That same feeling I'd ALWAYS get when I arived home. Why? Because I always knew someone I loved so much was waiting for me. Usually I'd find him down our little hallway, sleeping or watching tv in our bedroom. Other times he'd have a surprise dinner waiting for us, or had started doing laundry. Then there were times he wasn't here yet and I'd just wait patiently for him. So when I came in today my heart suddenly jumped. It was reminded of that beautiful feeling of coming home to the one you love. But of course, there was nobody here today. Just me and the memories. :(

I saw a couple of my neighbors as I took out the trash for the last time. One of them, a French-African-American looking guy, probably in his thirties, lives in one of the units below us. He held the garage gate door open for me as I walked out. His wife, during the holidays last year, left us each a little tin bucket with holiday treats in it. I thought it was sweet. I still have that bucket to this day. Our neighbors were always such nice people. I kinda regret never really taking some initiative to get to know them more personally. But I do know they were always nice. I'm going to miss them. Linda and her two pugs always going out for walks. The smell of the rocker-looking guy's cigars that would sometimes linger in the air outside. The kids from a couple of the apartments playing together down in the garage. I'm gonna miss every one of them. Whether we truly knew each other or not, we were still neighbors.

As I sit here, it's a bit eerie. The only sound I hear is the clicking of the fake keyboard keys on my cell, as they echo in my now empty living room. I almost felt like letting myself cry here. I felt like crying this morning for some reason. I just couldn't hold it back anymore. I haven't had anywhere I could be alone lately. Nowhere I could lay down and have a good cry. Sitting on this carpet, in this now cold and quiet apt, is my first time I get to be alone. But of course, now I can't cry! Maybe it's because this place still feels like my true home to some extent. A place of safety and love. My sanctuary. But sad reality is that this is my last time here. I'm taking my keys off my keyring and leaving them locked inside.

This is my goodbye. To probably the most beautiful year of my life thus far. A year I got to share with someone I love. I will look back at this apt with so much happiness in my heart. My memories of it will never fade.

Goodbye, home, sweet home. I'm going to miss you so damn much.

Holding Back

The past few days have probably been the hardest and saddest days I've ever gone through this far in my 31 years of life. But still, I haven't shed a tear since leaving the apt. Not because I didn't feel it, but simply because I have nowhere to cry in peace. No room at home, not even privacy in my car since I give sister a ride now. So I've had to hold it in for days and it's tearing at me. The tears are swelling within me and I feel like they might burst at the worst time. I'm at work and my eyes are watery. I want to cry but I don't know where...how... :(

Sick :(

I've been trying my best to figure out how to keep busy so I won't have too much time to think and be sad. I think that's why the night hours are the toughest. That's when it all gets quiet and I have time to think. I think about him. And I miss him... a lot. But then today I wake up with a stomach ache and sore body (from the couch-sleeping). Been feeling it all day. Have only eaten a light sandwich and some gatorade. Now I kind feel warm/feverish. Doesn't make it better that it's freakin' cold tonight! So the only time I left the house today was for a brief Target run. Needed to get a few things for the week. But even then it felt weird. I missed him being there with me as we shopped. Even before we lived together we'd often meet up just to do our weekly shopping errands together. I was thinking of hitting the gym too, at least to distract myself, but my body was just so weak. :(



Tomorrow I return to work after being away for six days to deal with the move. I'm nervous. I don't know what to expect. Even the work day routine will be different now. I won't get to have my morning cereal with him as we go to work. I won't get to go to the apt and have dinner and talk about our days. And even just being at work is gonna be tough. Hopefully people just leave me alone. I don't want to deal with them too much. Makes me grumpy and bitter and not who I want to be when I'm in a down mood and want to be left alone.

I realize I sound like a broken record, but I miss my best friend. I really do, so much. :( Despite having lost a relationship I cherised, we still had a bond of best friends...of family. We've been through so much together. We grew from college students to mature adults. I need him in my life still. I know in my mind it's only temporary...this short time apart....but it's so tough. I think about him/us in almost anything I see/do! Today, as I drove to the Target, I noticed a Denny's across the street from it. It was where we had a late night bite to eat on the very first time we met. I could still remember it clearly. I find myself missing more and more the part of him that was...IS...my best friend. I haven't seen him since Friday morning. Haven't heard his voice. Haven't laughed in response to his own laughter. Just talked a bit via text but even that's not the same.

I love and appreciate all the love and support I've received from all my friends. It's meant a lot to me. But it's tough knowing that my best friend is the one I can't reach out to for now. :(

Harder Than Expected

It's all become way to real now. It all hit me and left me feeling sad, vulnerable, confused, lost and not knowing where I truly belong. Last night I spent my first night, of what will probably be many for a while, sleeping on the couch in my family's living room. Today we picked up the last few bits of my stuff from the apartment. Most of it is now tucked away in their garage in several boxes. My "room" is now a corner of the living room. The few things I need access to often are in a couple small boxes in that corner. The clothes I wear most are in a little spare hallway closet. Anything else I need, I'll have to go dig through the boxes, hoping I'll remember where I've placed it.

I love my family. I've been so blessed to have such a wonderful, loving, caring and good-hearted family. My parents are two of the most strongest, motivated, loving and unselfish people I know! They raised me and my sisters to be good people. To simply say I love them is an understatement. I owe so much of who I am to them! So why do I feel strange being here? I guess it's because I'd finally learned what it meant to be my own person. Independent. Yes, I was living with someone I loved, but I was also pretty much running my own life. I had my bills, work, chores, errands, more bills, etc...all those "fun" grown-up things. It got tough at times, financially, but it taught me so much about being a responsible adult. I also took so much pride in taking care of our apt. Sure, it may have been 'leased' and never truly belonged to us, but as long as we lived there, it was home. Our home. So I can't help but miss it so much.

It was a home with many nice memories. Funny thing is, when I think of my favorite ones I don't think of the times we had parties or anything like that. I think back to the simpler moments....

...laying down in our bedroom, reading a magazine, while he played music at the computer and browsed the net.
...cooking a chicken dinner, our favorites.
...playing Wii Sports Resort on the Wii until we got tired.
...watching episodes of our favorite shows together and sharing a good laugh.
...starting our work day together with our morning cereal.
...putting away the groceries from the market.

...these and many more moments like them are the ones I find myself thinking back to now. I don't have any regrets, because I don't feel "I wish I had appreciated them more and not taken them for granted". Truth is, I ALWAYS appreciated them. They always meant so much to me. Perhaps that's why when he was home I never really felt like leaving. I never took those moments for granted.

So it's no wonder I find myself now missing them so much. I think I miss his laughter the most right now. The way he would always manage to make me smile or even laugh a bit during some tough or sad times. He'd always know what to do or say. Sometimes just his laughter alone was enough to make me smile. I'd always tell him he had bad bedside manners, because he'd always crack jokes during moments they didn't seem appropriate. Yet I always knew why he did it. I knew that was his way of trying to help me feel better. So now that things are really tough, it's even tougher not being able to hear that laughter from this person that means so much to me. And he still does mean a lot to me.

I miss a lot of things, but in the end I think I miss my best friend the most. The one person who I could talk to about the most mundane details of my life, work, feelings, family, etc...and he'd always know exactly what I was talking about. Often, he'd even remember things I forgot even telling him. We did almost everything together, even things like car washes, markets, mall-walking, fast food runs and eye doctor appointments. Random moments of life made more fun and memorable by having someone to share them with.

I'd be lying if I said that I got over him completely. Even though I've had more time already to process that and have found some level of peace with it, it's a part of me that'll always be within. After loving someone for almost nine years, I can't just throw it out and pretend it meant nothing to me. But I also know I can't dwell on that. I can't let it make me sad, or else I'll never recover. If it was meant to be, and I truly love him, I had to let him go. If he ever comes back, then it proves we were truly meant to be. If not, then I know we'll still be friends. That friendship is something I still cherish. Without it, I'd truly feel like I lost almost everything.

I miss our friendship so much right now. I wish I could call him up now and we could just chat the night away, like we always used to before we lived together. I keep expecting him to call me up and ask if I wanna hang out. Go to a movie, the market, the mall or even just watch some DVDs at either of our houses. I keep wanting to call him and wish him a good night. Ugh it's so hard. I thought that because I had time to cope with the loss of the relationship, I'd be a lot stronger and able to deal with our just being best friends when we moved out. But it's way harder than I imagined.

I know we are still friends. Best friends. But I miss him at this moment. I just want to hear his laughter that always makes me feel better. Is that too much to ask? :-/

Final Days

The end is getting closer. Each day that passes now I get sad. This apt has been more than just walls and furniture...it's been a home. A place of so many happy memories over the past year. As the month goes by, our last month here, I get so caught up with many emotions.

I am absolutely scared, terrified, sad, nervous, worried, anxious and so much more on the inside. But on the surface I try to keep strong. I need to keep working. I need to keep making other random preparations (address change, packing, sell/keep stuff, etc). I can't fall apart. Not now. I have to keep going forward so I can find my next destination.

I need to know where I'm going! If only money weren't an option, I would stay just where I'm at. This is still a home to me, after all. Over the past couple months I've gone through so many emotions and feel I've come to a point where I've learned and mature enough to be strong. I let go of someone I love, not because I stopped loving, but because I knew it's what I had to do. Sometimes you just can't fight...you have to lay down your arms and hope that in the end, everything will work itself out just how it was meant to. The future is always unpredictable. You never know what'll happen. And so I let him go.

Things got a bit hectic a few moments along the way, but we worked through it and fortunately remain good friends. We still care about each other...best friends...family...bonds that go further beyond a relationship breakup.

I can't help but think about how we'd make good roommates. The past few weeks, after I got better emotionally, were actually nice again. Things were different of course, but having him as just the best friend was nice. I was ok with that. I didn't mind being home alone or not seeing him most of the weekends. I was finding myself again, but it was nice knowing my friend was still around. But unfortunately I know I have no choice. We can't continue as roommates. At least not in the present time. We'd both have to be on the same emotional level for it to work, but right now we're not. And it saddens me. I know we'd make great roommates, and perhaps in the future it can happen.

But soon everything will truly change. The memories will never fade, but our home we built together will be gone from our lives. I feel so scared, not knowing yet where I'm headed. I hate this feeling. I wish money wasn't an issue. I wish I could afford a nice beautiful apt on my own. I've been alone a lot lately and I know I can get used to being alone in an apt. Maybe get a cat or dog to keep me company. :) But for now, my budget is limited. And it frustrates me.

I saw a couple places this weekend, but they sucked. And I mean TRULY sucked. Looked so good on paper, but I should've known better. "Comfy", "Cozy", "Cute", "Charming"...all a bunch of "C" words used in ads to hide the truth. Cover ups! The places I saw were shit holes! Maybe I'm just not good at the apt hunt. He was always good at that. I was more the follow-through guy. He'd set things up, search and plan...and then I'd take over with the actions afterward. But now, going at this alone...it's tough.

I've felt like crying all afternoon. I haven't cried in a while now. But it's not over the breakup. As much as that still saddens me, I've had to learn to come to terms with that. But now, what makes me sad is that I'm just scared. I don't know if I'll find something I like in time. And what if I do find something, but I'm miserable there? I could always try going back home as a last resort, but there's hardly room for me there now. I don't feel ready to give up my privacy, independence and all that I've acquired and learned over the past year. I grew up, a lot! I became a true man. Independent, responsible...hell, I even cooked! Not a lot...but I still cooked! I want to keep all that.

All I want is my own nice, safe, warm place to call home for a while. Somewhere I can go to at the end of the day and feel safe, calm, relaxed and at peace. I want to find my OWN place, but it's hard with my current budget. I may have to share an apt. But then that brings up so many trust & comfort issues. I'm a very private person in my home life. Takes so much for me to feel comfortable around someone. It's not really even a shyness deal. I just rather be on my own that with strangers when it comes to where I live.

I hope things work out. I really do. All my life I've done nothing but try to be a good person. Tried to always respect everyone and protect those that mean a lot to me. I've always lead a life of love, honesty, loyalty and trust. It's gotta count for something, right? That kharma thing... I could use some of it back now. I need all the luck I can get.

Sorry for a depressing blog. Just had a tough day. I was excited thinking I'd found a great lead, only to be tremendously disappointed. Really left me in a depressive mood after. :(

Empty

I'm beginning to wonder what feels worse... being in a state of absoulute sadness or feeling empty inside? Sadness brings with it lots of hurt, pain and endless tears. The empty feeling, on the other hand, doesn't bring much. You end up looking almost normal on the surface, but within you feel so empty. It's like you're just sleepwalking through life.

I'm still a mix of both. At times I still feel pretty down and sad, but other times I end up just feeling so empty. I don't like either. I wish I could get past all this and just be happy again. Even if I'm meant to be alone, unloved... I just wanna feel happy. :-/

Silence

I never really noticed how there are so many sounds all around here at home, even when I'm alone in complete silence. The electrical buzzing of the DVR turning on to record, the cars passing by in the nearby freeway, the fridge's random whirring sounds, footsteps from the neighbors, wind through the window swaying the vertical blinds... so many sounds that I never paid much attention to. But now, as I often find myself alone...those little sounds have become almost overwhelming. It's an eerie feeling that I just can't get used to. Years ago, I was always pretty much a loner. I'd go to school, do what I needed to do, get home and do my homework, chit chat with family and whatnot...then just spend time alone, watching TV, playing music, being on the computer, etc. I'd go out now and then with friends or family. But those moments when it was just me, alone, didn't bother me. So why's it so different now? :(

It's tough being able to go back to being alone some days/nights. I don't mean emotionally alone...I know I still have family and friends that care about me. I mean physically alone. For several years I found so much comfort, love and happiness in the company of someone. So now, when I'm by myself I feel so lost. Especially since these moments alone are usually when I start to think about so many things. Things I miss. Things that were. Things that could be. I hate this feeling. I don't like the silence. I don't enjoy being alone. But the sad truth is...I still can't get myself out there. It's a strange feeling knowing that the world moves on, people all around you keep on living their lives...even though I may feel that mine is at a standstill. I almost wish I could just pause the whole world, until I finally felt better, just so that I wouldn't miss a single moment of life.

I know I'll be OK. At some point, I have to be. I'm patient...but even my patience has it's limit.

Maybe I need a dog!? Then again, I can barely afford to feed myself lately. :(

Ekhymosis - "La Decision"

The Next Volume

Growing up. Those are definitely two words that carry so much with them. There's so much change, whether good or...undesired, that comes along with it. We all desire the good that comes with growing up, but it's the tougher times and choices that we often fear. I've grown so much over the past few years, as I'm sure most of you also have. I've had the pleasure of seeing some of you grow over the years, through the good times and the bad, in the end we learn from them all.

I've reached another one of those "growing up" moments recently. Been keeping most of it to myself, trying to process it all, to understand the complexities, feelings and fears that come along with it. Surprisingly, I've been stronger than I ever thought possible. I guess I've grown up more than I even knew. But as much as one's mind can understand something, it's often the heart that has a tougher time keeping up.

Almost nine years ago, December 1st, 2001 to be exact, my life changed. It's a story I'm sure many of you have heard before...the day I met Him. The day that so much would change. Two young college students meet for the first time and start out on their journey together. We've shared so many beautiful moments together, literally traveled (parts of) the world, met so many great people and new friends along the way...and just learned so much from each other. He taught me how to be a more confident person, a stronger person, and to never think any less than the best of myself.

Even when things were toughest, he's been there for me, as I have for him. Beyond a boyfriend...he's been a true love...he's been the best friend I could ever ask for. I loved, love now and always will love him. Perhaps that's a major reason I've been stronger than I thought I'd be. That strong bond that we always shared and still do, and I know nothing can ever break, has helped me cope with this new stage in our lives.

Oh yeah and if you hadn't caught on by now... yes, we're breaking up. :( Uggh..."breaking up." Such an ugly phrase. Why don't we just say...hmmm....we've "reached the end of this volume." Yeah, I like that better. There are many more "JuaNel" volumes to come, but for now, this one's come to a close. What's next? Neither of us truly knows, turns out these volumes aren't written in advance. They just kinda happen and anything is possible. All I can hope for is that this story is always as happy as it can be. Whether in the ultimate scheme of things we are meant to truly be together, as a couple, that's something that only time will tell. I never close off my heart to any possibility. But for now, we still have that strong friendship love that's been there from the start. The things we put up from one another...trust me nobody else could deal with. lol

Oh and before the tabloids start spreading rumors... there's no drama, we didn't have a big fight, there's no anger or hatred. It's not that kind of breakup. I won't be releasing his drunken angry voicemails and he won't let that video tape of me see the light of day. hehe (A little humor to lighten the mood.)

At the moment I'd prefer to leave it at that. I don't feel the need to say more for now. We still have nothing but love and respect for each other. But I guess it had to come to this. I wish it didn't have to be this way...I've shed my tears and probably more to come...it's hard adjusting to new things, but I guess that's just life for ya. Always has a trick or two up its sleeve.

Mobile Blogging

Just testing out writting an entry through my phone's browser. It's a bit slower and trickier than I'm used to, but it might come in handy to help me start updating the blog now and then. So much and so little has been happening over the past few months...if that makes sense. lol I'd love to start keeping this updated more often again with my random posts and thoughts. So we'll see how this goes.

Today's update: saw Toy Story 3 in 3D today with Juan and we both loved it. Such a sweet, funny, sad, touching and extra funny movie! All the elements of a good Pixar film! Go big baby! lol Also finally finished all my Smallville DVDs I have. Gotta wait for season nine to hit DVD and then go down to my favorite $20-or-less price range. Unless someone wants to buy it for me?! :)

The Last 5 Months, Give or Take

Where do I begin? :)

A lot has changed lately and I wanted to write down some random thoughts, reflections & feelings along the way, but turns out there were many things to do and not always enough time to do them. So instead, I'll just do an all-in-one blog post going back to the last few months. hehe

I guess the big changes all started back in June, last year...June of 2009. I was driving to the gym and received a text, saying something like "...I'm ready to move in together." It was a surprise, to say the least! I'd known for a long while that I could see myself living with Juan, especially since at the time I was already visiting him at least twice during the workweek (and sleeping over) and then most of the weekends. So much to the point that my mom would jokingly call me "the visitor" whenever I'd come back home. lol So that night we talked about it all and more in the coming days. I was a bit nervous, not about the actual move, since I did feel ready for that. I was ready to start a new phase of my life with someone I love and to start learning more responsibility and how to manage things out on my own. I loved living at home, had a wonderful relationship with my family and there was never any drama. I didn't feel like I had to leave because I was intruding...it was more just me feeling ready to start this new stage. The hardest part for me was telling my family, especially my mom. I knew it was gonna be toughest on her. It usually is, right? Especially since I'm her first born and only son. Back when I first came out to her, she said "You'll always have a home here." And I always felt that love.

After our first initial moving in together talks, we kinda got a bit sidetracked in the summer and didn't look into apartments as much. Mostly because Juan was on summer break and didn't want to spend it all alone in the new apartment. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of also sidetracking my conversation about moving ou with my family. Flash forward a few months later, October. We started getting more serious again about looking for apartments. So then I finally had the talk with my family. It was tough telling my mom. I didn't know when/where was the right time. So I just kinda brought it up one night as she was washing dishes. I could tell she was a bit sad right after hearing it. It broke my heart, but I knew I had to do it, and I knew even then that it was just gonna take time and eventually (like right now, in the present) things would feel better. That same night when my dad got home (he was out on some errand) I told him about it too. He took it better (at least it seemed) and said that he understood, that there always comes a point where we all have to go out on our own. He had to do it and so did my mom, both at even younger ages and off to a whole new country, too! Me, I was just moving a 10 min good-traffic drive across the city. I had it easy. hehe

So in the coming weeks we looked through several ads and postings and hit up a few open houses. We agreed on the Culver City general areas, since it was a convenient/nice area that was between both our jobs. Having never lived in an apartment or done apartment hunting, I didn't know exactly what to look for. One of the very first apartments we looked at really struck us. It was a nice building, small & quiet, didn't have that hotel feel to it, and the apartment itself looked roomy, clean and full of closets & storage. But like any smart purchase, you should never just go with the first thing you like. We looked around at some more apartments. Some were ok but just something about them didn't strike us. Others were just kinda crappy! Our main concern was to just have a nice, clean apartment that wasn't completely falling apart. I know that you'll never really have the PERFECT apartment. There's gonna be a crack here, a missing piece there, etc. But we wanted something nice, and after seeing several choices that one apartment we saw at the beginning was still standing out among the picks. So we went back for a second look. There were actually two apartments vacant, the one we saw was downstairs so we checked out the upstairs one this time. We loved that one even more! In the end, that's the one we got! :)

It was the Monday after the AIDS Walk that we made it official. I took the day off from work so I could take care of business. We went to the apartment's management offices in Santa Monica to speak to the man who we had sent in the initial application to. I think we caught him at a bad time because he seemed to have some kind of attitude. He told us if we wanted it at the current price we'd have to bring him the money (cashier's check) that same day. As we left briefly to the bank, we were left with a bad vibe from that man. But I told Juan, "Don't let his attitude affect our decision, after today we probably don't even have to see him anymore." So we brushed his attitude aside, got our check, went back and turned it in. Signed the dotted lines, got the keys and voila! We were now officially the apartment's new tenants! And yes, that man had a better attitude then. hehe

A day or two later I picked up the new set of keys from our apartment and I started to move some of my stuff in little by little, as much as I could fit in my car trunk. I'd keep it in my parking garage at work and then drive it to the apartment during lunch (it's just a 15 mins or so drive). I did that most of that week during the day, and then at night we'd go look at furniture stores together. We needed to get some of the basic furnishings (bed, dressers, table, chairs, sofas, tv stand, etc). We were starting from scratch. We needed a fridge too, so I went to buy one while Juan went to pick out the sofas. Teamwork!

That next weekend we came into the apartment early on Saturday, October 24th, to wait for some of the furniture to be delivered. We ended up spending our first night in our new apartment that day, since we had a bed now. The next few weeks was spent doing a lot of random shopping sprees at the markets, Targets and other stores, buying anything we needed, from laundry baskets to trash cans to cooking utensils to cleaning supplies to....well, you get the idea. Fortunately we both had some savings to use, too. It seemed like a lot of spending but I knew it was only a one-time-period kind of deal. It's not like we could take all that stuff away from our family's homes. lol So we had to get a lot of things from the start. But once we had them, down the road the spending would be cut down to just the weekly necessities (food, restocking, etc.).

It took a couple months but eventually we reached a point where it felt like things were finally settled in. It felt like the moving process was finally done! Even now though, I know we still have lots of empty walls and a few empty corners that we can put stuff, but we have the main stuff we needed. We'll get more things along the way as time & money permit. We both have ideas of what we wanna do, but I guess we've been enjoying actually LIVING in our apartment now that we keep forgetting to work on more of the decorating. hehe Anyone know an interior decorator that will work for cheap? I'll feed him/her. hehe

Oh and speaking of feeding....there's the whole new world of cooking that I've been exploring! lol I don't particularly enjoy cooking...it's just another chore to me! But the end result is fun. Knowing that something I made is going into my man's tummy and making him happy is worth it! hehe I'm not good at making creative dishes with all kinds of spices and exotic tastes. My meals tend to be more basic. A couple of ingredients here and there thrown together. hehe But oh well, as long as we don't just have to eat sandwiches and frozen meals. :) Just this past week I made some spaghetti and fettucini alfredo, and some burgers and bbq chicken in the past weeks too. All pretty basic stuff, but we both love them. I need my own little Remy the rat to help me out!

So overall it's been a wonderful experience living together. Like any other couple we both have our grumpy moments. But we just take our time-outs and one goes to the bedroom while the other goes to the living room, and with time we miss each other and it's all forgiven. hehe But we've never been the couple to have huge serious fights, just random little silly arguments that are just as quickly forgotten. :) Along with the new apartment came new responsibilities: bills, laundry, ironing, cleaning, groceries, etc. More chores and work than before, but bring it on I say! So far we've managed to keep up with bills, not ruin any laundry, not burn my clothes and I've kept the house clean. So far, so good! We haven't met all our neighbors just yet, but the ones we did so far have been nice & friendly. It took some getting used to the new area too. Parking anywhere you go around here can be a challenge, but we find ways around it. I do like how there's more variety of people around here. Nothing against my East LA people, but it's nice running into people from all over around here. Whenever we go to the stores and markets I always hear random accents. Plus, lots of handsome guys too. hehe

The fact that I can sit down and write this blog means that things are more settled now. The whole hectic period of moving in and setting up finally passed and we can relax and enjoy our time now. We've had a few people over already and I still want to have more friends come by. I can't wait! But being the clean freak that I am, don't be surprised if you see me with a little dust pan walking behind you. LOL j/k

So I'm happy. I love our apartment, love the area and am as excited as ever for this new stage. I hope that the coming months & years are as good as ever, not just for us, but for our families and all our friends.

I think I hear the all too familiar sound of the Wii being turned on in the living room now! Time to log off and head on out there! :)

I Miss Blogging

It's been a good two months since I last posted anything here. Truth is, I've been pretty busy. Work's going well, each day keeps me busy from clock-in to clock-out. Apartment life with Juan is going great, it's been an exciting new experience and I'm loving it! Family is doing good, and though I do miss seeing them daily like I used to, I know it was time to move out on my own and explore life. Over the past year there've been several changes and in the end they were for the best. It was at this time last year when I found out I was being laid off soon. It was a scary time, and I couldn't have known how things were going to work out. Fortunately, they worked out nicely thus far and I hope they continue to do so.

There's so much I'd love to write about. I'll hopefully make more time for it now and then. Even if nobody reads this anymore....just for myself. :)